- Becca: When I was little, my grandmother, she used to say: "You like because, and you love despite." You like someone because of all of their qualities, and you love someone despite some of their qualities.
- Harper: Guys think that they like girls who like sports. What they actually like is a girl in a very tight sports jersey, serving them wings and getting the terminology wrong. Guys like girls who like guys who like sports.
- Harper: I'm so sorry. I got here so early that I thought had time to dick around then I went to that gift shop, then I lost track of time and suddenly I was late.
- Charlie: That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That is not a real thing.
- Harper: Yes, it is. It's the over-dick-around thing. I over-dicked it.
- Harper: Why are you dressed like that?
- Charlie: I don't work here anymore. I quit working for Rick. Starting over. At 28. Actually, I'm a temp, which is technically lower on the totem pole than an assistant, which is kind of a kick in the nuts. But it's, um, kind of cool. I get to see a bunch of different jobs. Find out what I actually like. I like you. So, so much. You're not hard to get at all. You're hard to earn. It's so much better.
- Frank: Paying student athletes is such a hot button issue at the moment, you couldn't back off a little bit? I mean, you're implying we're getting rich off the backs of poor kids.
- Kirsten: We're not implying it, we're proving it. Your AD bought a 2-million dollar boat last year and your star player is on food stamps.
- Harper: Hard-to-get makes no sense. It's evolutionarily unsound. Why would a caveman want a cave woman who was like 'Go get me food, and when you come back maybe there will be a cave for you, maybe there won't be.' Men should want women that are gonna keep the coziest, warmest caves. Men need shelter. I am guaranteeing shelter.