The Mad Librarian and Other Tales (2002 Video)

Bunny Slain: Library Patron

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Librarian : Yes?

  Library Patron : I'd like to check out these books, please.

  Librarian : Certainly. Do you have a library card?

  Library Patron : Yes, I do - right here.

  Librarian : Hmm. We seem to have a problem.

  Library Patron : What do you mean?

  Librarian : Well, according to your records, you checked out "The Joy of Sexual Fantasy" and you haven't returned it, even though it was due three weeks ago.

  Library Patron : No, no. I returned that book.

  Librarian : Also, you checked out SM 101 and when it was returned there were several pages missing.

  Library Patron : Well, the pages were missing when I got it and I brought them both of them back at the same time.

  Librarian : Shhh! Keep your voice down.

• Librarian : You should have brought that up when we sent out that notice.

  Library Patron : Well, I didn't get any notice.

  Librarian : Shh! It was mailed last week.

• Librarian : I don't know if you're aware of this, ma'am, but because of recent budget cuts, the mayor has enacted some new laws regarding the collection of library fees. The Las Captivas library system has been empowered to take more aggressive action towards that end. Walk this way.

  Library Patron : What?

  Librarian : Shh!

• Librarian : Have a seat.

  Library Patron : What are you planning on doing?

  Librarian : Shh! Give me your hands.

  [the librarian grabs a piece of rope and ties Bunny's wrists behind her back] 

  Library Patron : You can't do this to me!

  Librarian : Shh! According to the new law, you may be detained until a relative, an employer or someone close to you can come in and pay your fines in full. Can you pay your fine?

  Library Patron : Well, no...

• Library Patron : This is all a joke, right? This is one of those hidden camera things... This is one of those reality hidden camera shows, right? Right?

  Librarian : I'll thank you to keep your voice down and this is all very serious.

  Library Patron : No, this isn't right! You have to let me go. You have to let me out of here!

  Librarian : This is the last time I'm going to tell you to be quiet.

  Library Patron : No!

  Librarian : Quiet now...

  [the librarian grabs a thick piece of cloth and gags Bunny with it] 

• [after discovering the missing books on the library shelves, Bunny grabs the librarian and exacts her revenge, securely binding and gagging the angry spluttering woman] 

  Library Patron : Shh! After I got out, I did a little research on tying. Isn't knowledge a wonderful thing? Now you stay here and I'll see if I can find a book on Houdini. It'll help you pass the time until someone finds you in this weird secret little room. Shhh!