Steel Magnolias (1989)
Olympia Dukakis: Clairee Belcher
Photos
Quotes
-
Clairee : Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?
-
Clairee Belcher : Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!
-
Clairee Belcher : Ouiser, I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer.
-
Clairee Belcher : The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.
-
M'Lynn : [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
[screaming]
M'Lynn : I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone]
M'Lynn : No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[continues sobbing]
Clairee : Here!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]
Clairee : Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!
Ouiser Boudreaux : [taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?
Clairee : Hit her!
Ouiser Boudreaux : Are you *high*, Clairee?
Truvy : [in a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?
Clairee : We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!
Annelle : [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enough!
Clairee : Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!
Ouiser Boudreaux : [snatches away] Let go o' me!
Clairee : M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!
-
Ouiser Boudreaux : Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.
Annelle : I suspected this all along!
Ouiser Boudreaux : Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!
Annelle : Not on your first visit!
Clairee Belcher : Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!
-
Clairee Belcher : Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.
-
Ouiser Boudreaux : You are evil, and you must be destroyed.
Clairee Belcher : Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.
-
Truvy : You are playin' hard to get!
Clairee Belcher : At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.
-
Clairee : [after Shelby said she almost called off the wedding] Shelby, you scared us. That wasn't a nice thing to do to your mama. Never say that to a woman who's marinating 50 pounds of crab claws.
-
Annelle : We are in the house of the Lord!
Clairee Belcher : Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.
Ouiser Boudreaux : Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.
-
Clairee Belcher : You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser Boudreaux : I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.
-
Ouiser Boudreaux : I should have never said that in front of Shelby.
Clairee : Ouiser no one pays any attention to you.
-
Clairee Belcher : I love ya more than my luggage.
-
Clairee Belcher : The older you get, the sillier you get.
Ouiser Boudreaux : Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.
-
Clairee Belcher : [quoting her gay nephew] All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.
-
Clairee : And I can also report that a mysterious car is parked in her driveway at least once a week...
Ouiser Boudreaux : There. My secrets out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz!
-
Ouiser Boudreaux : Clairee, this is just a gesture. We're not feedin' Drum until the end of time.
Clairee Belcher : Drum loves pork and beans. Eats 'em with everything.
Ouiser Boudreaux : That explains a lot.
-
Clairee Belcher : [trying to do "color commentary" by discussing the color of the football uniforms] ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bob, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'?
Ouiser Boudreaux : SHUT UP!
Clairee Belcher : What?
Ouiser Boudreaux : You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee.
Clairee Belcher : I am not.
Ouiser Boudreaux : This is football. All the people wanna hear about are touchdowns and injuries. They don't give a damn 'bout that grape shit.
-
Clairee Belcher : They were both high. They'd been smokin' everything but their shoes.
-
Clairee : Why do you give all these to me?
Ouiser Boudreaux : Somebody's gotta take em, I hate em, I try not to eat healthy food if I can possibly help it.
-
Clairee : Anne Boleyn had six fingers.
Ouiser Boudreaux : Who's Anne Berlin?
Clairee : Anne Boleyn. She was one of the six wives of Henry VIII.
Ouiser Boudreaux : I never watch public television.
Clairee : She had six fingers.
Ouiser Boudreaux : What happened to the other four?
Clairee : She had 11 total.
Ouiser Boudreaux : Are you trying to confuse me, Clairee?
Clairee : No. I just want to expose us to a little more culture. And that's not easy to come by in this neck of the woods.
-
Clairee Belcher : That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.
-
[about the new mayor's wife dancing]
Clairee Belcher : Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket.
-
Clairee : Looks like two pigs... fightin' under a blanket!